Alex and the Ironic Gentleman by Adrienne Kress

Author:Adrienne Kress [KRESS, ADRIENNE]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: JUV001000
ISBN: 9781602860445
Publisher: Weinstein Books
Published: 2007-12-18T16:00:00+00:00

THE TWENTY-FOURTH CHAPTER

In which Alex meets the MakeCold 6000.

Alex made her way through the dining room and eventually found herself inside the kitchen. She was shocked at how big it was. I mean, it was really big. Really, really big. And everything was made of stainless steel. I’m not just talking about the appliances here, but the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the shelves, even the cookbooks. It was all Alex could do not to run into the edge of the counter as it was completely indistinguishable from the wall. The place was also entirely empty, and not a spot of food could be seen anywhere.

How the devil was she going to make tea and scones in here? Forget that, how the devil was she going to make scones at all? She had never made a scone in her life, and this was for two reasons. One, she had never really learned to cook anything yet, and two, she hated scones, and why on earth, if she had learned how to cook anything yet, would she have learned to cook scones if she didn’t even like them?

Alex thought that her best place to start would be by looking through the cupboards, but this proved problematic as the cupboards were arduously difficult to locate. She did open a freezer and an oven, however. So at least she knew where they were.

“Can I help you?”

“Well, I don’t know,” replied Alex, looking up. She said it in all pleasantness, assuming she hadn’t noticed whoever was speaking to her before that moment, because of the sheer size of the kitchen. But when she looked toward where the voice was coming from, she found herself facing a wall.

“Well, what seems to be the problem?” it asked helpfully.

“Um . . . ,” said Alex.

“Don’t be frightened,” it said. “Ask me anything.”

“Are you a wall?” asked Alex, eyeing the wall up and down.

“Oh, goodness me, no!” it laughed. “I can see why you are confused. But that would be very silly, wouldn’t it? A talking wall!” The voice continued to laugh merrily. When it finished it added, “I’m a fridge.”

“Are you?” asked Alex astonished.

“Yes. I am the MakeCold 6000. ‘The helpful friend in the kitchen.’ I am programmed with over eight thousand recipes, can tell you if the milk’s gone sour, and can water the plants while you’re away, providing they are within a twenty-foot radius.” A sudden squirt of water passed over Alex’s head and landed in a little puddle on the other side of the room.

“Cool.”

“Yes, I am. I can be programmed at five different temperature settings, from ‘Refreshing’ to ‘Unnecessary.’ I can also speak in twenty different languages and perform calculations up to and including the number 13,459,820,647,189,203, 926,970.24.”

“Can you help me make tea and scones?”

“Not only can I help you make tea and scones, but it would be my pleasure to do so!” And with that it popped open the door. Like everything else in the kitchen, the fridge was huge, which is why it could be so easily confused with a wall.

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